Another Test

Here I am again with a new catheter in my arm, drinking my 1000 mls of some cold red liquid before my CAT-SCAN. Much has happened in the three months since the last time I was at Sloan Kettering to test to see how aggressively my prostate cancer is attacking my body. Suzanne and I have traveled far externally and internally. We have made wonderful new friends and created new memories with others. Others have been attacked by viscous forms of cancer. And we have refined our direction and determination to use our life experiences to help others. In time we will share tales. For now I’ll sum where we go next.

Our presentation at the American Psychological Convention in San Diego went well.  All presenters did great work sharing new clinical applications of virtual technology to help returning veterans, adolescents, and many other populations in need.  But much more happened. Suzanne and I had an opportunity to learn some of the latest techniques that are being developed to help people deal with crisis that may occur in their lives and talk with a wide variety of people who stimulated thought.  As a result of the conferences and experiences we had experienced during the last few weeks we have been able to put pieces together to create techniques that can help build resiliency for people who discover that they will be facing a crisis such as a life limiting illness (e.g. Cancer, heart disease, AIDs, etc).

As I wait for my test I’m in a booth next to a mother with a two year old daughter who is about to have a CAT-SCAN.  I can hear them but can’t see them. They don’t seem to be strangers to this treatment. Above the sounds of the Disney Snow White cartoon which comes over the six foot cubicle wall separating us, I hear, sense, feel, and am tremendously moved by the steady reassuring voice of the child’s mother giving them both patience as they wait to be called for testing. I knew she would have toe put to sleep for successful testing.  We have all been waiting much too long…perhaps an hour  longer than the 45 minutes it should have been.   But I’m more concerned for the child and mother than I am for myself.

I hear the child note from the video ” the glass slipper broke”  As a thousand mothers comment ever hour, the mother responds “you are so smart.  I hadn’t  noticed that.”. The mother sounds so reassuring and the child so sweet and innocent. Finally a nurse comes to take them both to the procedural room.  The child begins to cry,. The mother tries to reassure her. “don’t worry honey” she says.  As the little girl travels down the hall, her wailing begins the fade. Then becomes louder. Then is eventually gone.  And as I continue to wait for my turn, my eyes moisten as I wonder what her fate will be.

An hour later my tests are over. I’ll have to wait a week for results.  As Suzanne comes to meet me we pass a beautiful little child in a pink dress asleep on a gurney in the hospital corridor. I knew at once that it was the innocent child I had heard earlier. One more cancer victim. One more human being whose life cut short will flood the hearts of loved ones with tears.

My results came a week later.  The hormones where working but were beginning to weaken.  But they should protect me for more than a year. New treatments were being developed every day.  More than ever I was determined to launch our project in the wonderful time Suzanne and I have together.

~ Richard

Note: this was written two months ago but is only published now.